Regaining Myself

Every once in a while I allow myself to be absorbed into whatever event or crisis may occupy the moment.  Truthfully, it IS usually a crisis.  I extend myself to those that need me and I let them use me as a tool, a coping mechanism, a support system, a friend, an adviser, a comforter,  a counselor, a confidante, or even a confessor.  I am a gofer and also a builder of bridges.  I do not ever....under any circumstances extend physical intimacy.  My restriction has nothing to do with the moral rightness or wrongness, nor do I accept as just or binding the certitude of others regarding their judgment on my personal conduct.  No, it has nothing to do with that. My reserve allows me to wean from dependence and break the connection so that we can all move on.  If that did not happen, I would be used up, burnt out and would quickly disappear.  Then I would not be here to sing to the moon, sprout sprouts, grow herbs and vegetables, make bread and mango butter.  I would never read the thousands of books I am destined to read or write the five or six I am destined to write.  There would be no one to love unconditionally and eternally, to skinny-dip in the middle of the night, to write poetry, essays and commentary, no one to be the nurse-philosopher.  You see, like you, I am unique in the universe.  I am irreplaceable.

The Field Beyond Ideas

I met you there.  I knew it instantly.  There was no  need for words.  We listened.  We listened to the symphony of the wind and trees.  We watched the mischievous night sky as he let the wind pile up clouds to hide the moon and the stars from us.  We felt the wind against our skins and smelled the freshly cut lawns. The gardenia and jasmine in the back yard, even the magnolias down the street were sweet perfume, heady stuff, that stirs the blood and the soul.  The field is Eden and you and I were Adam and Eve.  Behold the perfect man.  Behold the perfect woman.  At that moment when we find the gift of pleasure, that instant when we cannot be separated by time or circumstance, we find also the gifts of salvation and redemption.  To be loved by you is to be loved by God.  In giving love to you, I give you God's love.  It is all one.  I did not know it until that stunning, earth-shattering moment. 

How to Avoid Disappointment

Disappointment occurs when our expectations are not met.  The obvious solution is to have NO expectations of others.  The only person over which any of us have any real control is ourselves.  Self-control is all any of us can ever hope for, but even that can be over-exercised.  Once upon a time Robert and I talked about Rumi the Sufi author of love poetry.  He wrote "...out beyond the idea of wrongdoing and rightdoing,  there is a field, I will meet you there..."  I thought it was lovely imagery, if somewhat obscure.    Rumi talked a lot about the losing of the ego, putting it away somewhere out of the way.  I initially thought that notion was ridiculous.  I believed that our egos make us who we are, but I was wrong.  It is the loss of ego that allows us to give our innermost selves to our loved one.  It enables us to open our hearts and minds to utterly selfless gifting of our spirits and souls to the beloved.  This is what makes our union, both spiritual and physical, transcendent and beautiful.  I ask no bride price, but I bring you a dowry.  It is all that I am and ever will be, all that I have and ever will have, all that is mine to give.....heart, mind, body, soul.  My commitment to you is for a lifetime and is not contingent upon your willingness or desire to make such a commitment to me.  The only thing I ask of you is that if and when you are ever ready, meet me in that field.

I have lifted you up to the Lord

Bien-aimee, you are unique in the universe.  God, Himself, knows how very special you are and he told me so all those years ago.  God kept bumping us into each other over the years for a reason.  The reason is now, Bien-aimee.  I am the help-meet God has sent you.  I am the boat that will carry you through rough waters.  I am the rudder that will steer you through stormy seas.  I am the stars that help you navigate.  I am the moon that illuminates the night.  It is my voice re-assuring you that all will be well.  Reach out.  Those are my hands holding yours in the darkness.  Please......know that God holds you in the palm of His hand and will not let you stumble.

The Gift We Give Back to God

Just as your body does, so, too, your soul requires nourishment, refreshment, rest, repair. exercise and stimulation.  It also needs pleasure and joy.  Those things are provided through non-corporeal means under both conscious and unconscious direction via our intellect.  Our intellect receives information and stimulation through our senses.  It interprets and responds to that data. The data gathering is very corporeal.  Memories are chemically stored. but the rest an esoteric process.

Too many of us neglect the health of our souls.  We go to church and we pray and believe that is all that we need to maintain a healthy soul.  It is so much more complex.  That spark that defines who we really are needs all the care of a newborn baby.  Although it came with the package when we were delivered, we initially neglect our souls in favor of growing our bodies and our personalities.  The growth of our souls cannot actually begin until our communication skills are more advanced.  If we are very lucky, we have parents who initiate the earliest nurturing of our souls.  Once we are able to independently express our feelings and can begin to understand more complex communication, it is our personal responsibility to take the wheel of our navigation system and learn to set our own course to those places and experiences in life that will promote the growth of our souls.  When it is all over, let me be able to say with perfect joy, "To you, O, Lord, I lift up my soul."