Where there's a will..........

Throughout my life I have been considered strong-willed.  My mother called me "head-strong".  I have heard that there are individuals with such strength of will that they can create with the strength of that will.  I have wondered if it was possible to, by my own "will", create love for me in you. And I followed that notion with wondering about the consequences of such an act.  It did not take me long....perhaps a heartbeat......to figure it out.  To figure out that no matter how much I loved...and no matter how much I wanted love back......that such "self-created" love would have no value to me.  It would be like looking at my own reflection in a mirror.  You would never be there.

Dancing with the Moon

The gibbous moon is waning again and he has gone home until next month.  It was my birthday and he came to help me celebrate being 63.  I thought my life was over when we met again two years ago, but he has taught me that it most decidedly is not......that, in fact, it is breath-taking in its continuation and magical in its presence.  He has taught me so much of value and I have shared my wisdom with him.  It is the most joyous time of my life.  Thank you, Robert. 

In my dreams.......

When I was a very young girl.....an eternity ago.......I believed all of the fairy tales, that there were Princes Charming, Heroes in the Seaweed, Happy Ever Afters, All Things Bright and Beautiful.  I believed because I was supposed to believe.  Oh, how shocking when I began to have an inkling that all was not well in Paradise and the promise of  "A Fairy Tale" life was a promise that could not be kept for me.  As I advance in years, I look backward....over my shoulder, as it were...and find the descriptive of my life peppered with words like "shameful", "sordid", "deceitful", "tragic", "wasted", ":loveless", "painful", "unhappy", "bitter", "useless", "empty"....etc.  Is it any wonder that as I approach the shorter half of life, I begin to realize that there are vast areas of issues that will never be resolved and that I shall go to my grave much as the Mayor of Casterbridge, instructing that no bell toll for me and my name be forgotten.  How sad to feel so unworthy.