How to Avoid Disappointment

Disappointment occurs when our expectations are not met.  The obvious solution is to have NO expectations of others.  The only person over which any of us have any real control is ourselves.  Self-control is all any of us can ever hope for, but even that can be over-exercised.  Once upon a time Robert and I talked about Rumi the Sufi author of love poetry.  He wrote "...out beyond the idea of wrongdoing and rightdoing,  there is a field, I will meet you there..."  I thought it was lovely imagery, if somewhat obscure.    Rumi talked a lot about the losing of the ego, putting it away somewhere out of the way.  I initially thought that notion was ridiculous.  I believed that our egos make us who we are, but I was wrong.  It is the loss of ego that allows us to give our innermost selves to our loved one.  It enables us to open our hearts and minds to utterly selfless gifting of our spirits and souls to the beloved.  This is what makes our union, both spiritual and physical, transcendent and beautiful.  I ask no bride price, but I bring you a dowry.  It is all that I am and ever will be, all that I have and ever will have, all that is mine to give.....heart, mind, body, soul.  My commitment to you is for a lifetime and is not contingent upon your willingness or desire to make such a commitment to me.  The only thing I ask of you is that if and when you are ever ready, meet me in that field.

I have lifted you up to the Lord

Bien-aimee, you are unique in the universe.  God, Himself, knows how very special you are and he told me so all those years ago.  God kept bumping us into each other over the years for a reason.  The reason is now, Bien-aimee.  I am the help-meet God has sent you.  I am the boat that will carry you through rough waters.  I am the rudder that will steer you through stormy seas.  I am the stars that help you navigate.  I am the moon that illuminates the night.  It is my voice re-assuring you that all will be well.  Reach out.  Those are my hands holding yours in the darkness.  Please......know that God holds you in the palm of His hand and will not let you stumble.

The Gift We Give Back to God

Just as your body does, so, too, your soul requires nourishment, refreshment, rest, repair. exercise and stimulation.  It also needs pleasure and joy.  Those things are provided through non-corporeal means under both conscious and unconscious direction via our intellect.  Our intellect receives information and stimulation through our senses.  It interprets and responds to that data. The data gathering is very corporeal.  Memories are chemically stored. but the rest an esoteric process.

Too many of us neglect the health of our souls.  We go to church and we pray and believe that is all that we need to maintain a healthy soul.  It is so much more complex.  That spark that defines who we really are needs all the care of a newborn baby.  Although it came with the package when we were delivered, we initially neglect our souls in favor of growing our bodies and our personalities.  The growth of our souls cannot actually begin until our communication skills are more advanced.  If we are very lucky, we have parents who initiate the earliest nurturing of our souls.  Once we are able to independently express our feelings and can begin to understand more complex communication, it is our personal responsibility to take the wheel of our navigation system and learn to set our own course to those places and experiences in life that will promote the growth of our souls.  When it is all over, let me be able to say with perfect joy, "To you, O, Lord, I lift up my soul."

Now it begins

Now it begins...this process of life-change.  Not "change of life" which is a natural process, but the events whereby my life becomes different from what it was.  I have gone through it a lot in the last year.  The biggest change to date was my mother's death last August.  I didn't know I hated her and then I did know.  Surprisingly, for someone I hated, I let her affect my life and personality a great deal.  Then there were other changes.  The really big one is looming before me.  I am about to begin the process of losing my home.  I have lived at this place longer than any other in my entire life.  I love it so much that the prospect of losing it causes me grief so unmanageable that I cannot keep the pain from bleeding though into almost every conscious moment.  I just cannot compartmentalize it fast enough..   My business is finding miracles for other people.....helping them with their lives.  It is, at the very least, irony of the first magnitude.  Like Saint Bernadette, when it was proposed to take her to the Grotto at Lourdes, she refused saying, "...the spring is not for me..."  It would seem that I cannot work my own miracles.  It is not that I am lazy, nor am I a defeatist, so I will try my hardest to alter this destiny.  Who knows...maybe God will help this time.

I wish I was certain of how to spell vicissitudes correctly.....

I have told myself I will not be like the village of pearl divers with their homes on the beach and no windows to the sea.  They had no windows facing the ocean because they did not want to see the vast water of the tsunami reaching out to sweep everything, including them, away.  I will not do the avoidance behavior thing...not confronting what I fear.  I will not ignore what is happening.  I will take charge of the situation and do the necessary......whatever that turns out to be.  I am not afraid.....just sad. 

Because of you......

I am the woman I am because of you and that is a wondrous thing. You taught me so many things about myself while I was learning about you.  It was never about receiving love from you.  It was always about giving love to you.  I am a miraculous creature.  Accept the miracles I bring.  They are for you and about you and because of you.

Questions and Answers

What do you see when you look at me?
What do you hear when you listen to me?
What do you feel when you touch me?
When you say, "I love you...", what do you mean?
These are the questions I need answered.  I don't know that I can ever bring myself to ask them, but the answers are important to me.  Until I die I will remember the words, "You are far more smitten with me than I am with you."  It is true, but that didn't keep it from stinging a bit.  I will remember the words, but as time passes, they will sting less.  The lessons of life can be bitter and painful, but when all is said and done, that is just the way it is.