Pricklier and pricklier

I do it all the time...struggle with my life.  There are moments when I hate my life.  I don't hate being alive, but sometimes I despise the way I am living.   The trouble is that if I could change it by uttering one word, I couldn't do it.  The ones who depend on me are not capable of not depending on me right now......for a year so far.  As far as they are concerned since they cannot relate to me, obviously, there is something wrong with me. Okay...maybe that is true.  It is hard to be close to a porcupine or a cactus.  I tend to be a bit prickly on occasion.  I freely admit that.  I don't know how to fix it.  God or the Fates have chosen to make my life as hard and painful as possible.  The man I love...have loved all my life....does not love me....will never love me.. Oh, he likes me well enough to call me a friend., but he says it is not in him to be in love with me.   How can I be angry at him for lacking feelings I wish he had, but doesn't?  The truth is I can't.  It isn't his fault.  We cannot choose who we love.  I feel another thorny spine growing out of my skin.  Oh, well.