The other side of the wall

Sometimes I feel as though I am standing on one side of a wall.  Life is on the other side.  I search for a door or a window, or even a crack, but I cannot find one.  I hear life going on over there,  I have been given visions of it, but I have no idea how to get there.  I want so much to immerse myself in life, in that world....mostly his world........ to be truly accepted.  I don't want to disappear into the sameness of a crowd.  I want to be special to him.  I want his life to be better, happier, easier because I am a part of it.  Sometimes, it seems as though I am treading water in the middle of the ocean.