Sunday, September 22, 2013

The Autumnal Equinox

Today is September 22, 2013, the date of the fall equinox.  It is significant for a lot of reasons and to a lot of people.

I found a comment on one of my older posts that reminded me that "The Circle Game" was written by Joni Mitchell.  I had referenced a performance of the song by a singer named Buffy St. Marie.  She sang it in the opening and closing minutes of the 1970 film, "The Strawberry Statement."  But to the "commenter" I offer a "thank you" anyway.

As I look back over the four years I have been blogging, I see how I have changed.......how the world has changed.  I marvel that after all that has happened, we....the world and I......are still intact and rolling around the heavens.  It is a tribute to either an intensely organized master-plan or a completely random, totally chaotic universe.  I tell myself that I have lost my faith (Catholic at the onset), but I no longer believe that to be true.  It is more as though I have modified it.  I still expect it to get dark this evening, that the waning harvest moon will still be visible (if the cloud-cover isn't too heavy), that the sun will come back tomorrow morning.  Except for some consequential event barring it, I expect to wake up in the morning.  I am, perhaps, less sure of markets, contracts and commitments.  The mechanisms that keep the earth rotating are substantially more reliable than the beings who occupy it.
Still, even they.....the greatest variable elements of all, have some degree of predictability, and therefore can be taken on some level of faith.  All this is from a woman who is not entirely sure what makes her happy.  I wish I could have that wisdom and confidence that comes from truly "knowing it all" and being able to predict the future behavior of everything and everybody.  I wish I understood myself better.  I wish I truly believed in something, but I don't really.  In times of crisis I find myself reverting to the old ways..........praying to an invisible God and asking him for favors and miracles.  Not that I have ever gotten any, but because I have no idea what else to do.

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